Ahh, fantasy football season. My go-to cue for football starting is being lambasted by commercials of athletes telling me to pick them because of their performance last season, or when that commercial the NFL recycles every year with Daniel Powter\u2019s \u201cBad Day\u201d comes on and some blonde girl whose fantasy team name was \u201cRomolicious\u201d is sobbing in her convertible. Maybe she\u2019s crying because her fantasy team name is a mixture of Tony Romo and Bubblicious chewing gum, not because she went 1-13. See, friends, a clever fantasy team names is the hallmark and starting point of a good season. Do you really want to be the one who has to resort to your favorite team or alma mater and be the super intimidating \u201cGo Buckeyes!\u201d? No. Because then you\u2019ll end up like Sloppy Sobby Girl and crying in your Honda. Or Pinto. Or whatever you drive, I don\u2019t know your life.<\/p>\n
So that\u2019s why here at FantasyWired, we\u2019re here to help.<\/p>\n
Because I like to think Jason Pierre-Paul hurt himself out of love, trying to impress his girl with some firecracker trick. You know, a little modern-day romance.<\/p>\n
Another Jason Pierre-Paul joke for you hip-hop enthusiasts. The V sign, also known as the \u201cvictory gesture\u201d, is used to represent peace or victory. In other countries, it is used to show disdain towards a person or object. Emoji optional.<\/p>\n
“Shwooop. Hehe. You have to make those little noises, or it just doesn’t work.”<\/p>\n
This is a brilliant play on words with Odell Beckham Jr.\u2019s name. This one is risky if you have people below the age of 18 (I\u2019m being generous here) in your group, so if you\u2019re a parent, it also doubles as a fun segue into \u201cThe Talk\u201d! You\u2019re welcome. (Photo credit: mooustached_walrus, reddit.com).<\/p>\n
Because J.J. Watt is definitely a bleeder. Shout-out to CBS for always showing close-ups of Watt\u2019s bloody mangled face during the game! I hope before the start of the 2015 NFL season he\u2019s donated some plasma, because I\u2019m tired of seeing Bloody Watty every damn season. I mean, look at him. I\u2019m glad he has zero time to wipe the gushing blood from his face while someone else tries to. J.J. Watt\u2019s girlfriend, if you\u2019re out there, can you just swap positions with your boyfriend for one week out of the month, please? #StopBleedingJJ<\/p>\n
Jon Gruden and Cris Collinsworth are the kings of drawing way too many abstract lines and circles on national television. These beautiful Pictionary drawings usually end up looking like a … let\u2019s go with \u201cvery phallic looking lollipops\u201d for now. And if you haven\u2019t noticed their art, you will this season. Trust me.<\/p>\n
A play on words of the Geico commercial featuring the one and only Ickey Woods doing the one and only Ickey Shuffle. Forty-four, ladies, that\u2019s him.<\/p>\n
Named for brother punters Dustin Colquitt of the Chiefs and Britton Colquitt of the Broncos. Both of which can help you quit smoking those damn cigarettes.<\/p>\n
Do you have the wherewithal to sack someone like a beast? Buy a car? A house? A ferret? Yeah, I don\u2019t either. But at least we have a sweet fantasy football name.<\/p>\n
Hey, remember last year when you got the first-round pick in your fantasy league, and Adrian Peterson ended up being suspended for child abuse? Not this year! It\u2019s time for redemption!<\/p>\n
And if that joke offended you, come on. I mean, you\u2019re welcome to direct your opprobrium at me on Twitter, but I\u2019m telling you right now: I\u2019m Italian. My grandma was unforgiving with the Italian weapon of choice – the wooden spoon – she\u2019d use to punish me when I got lippy.<\/p>\n
Try Daily Fantasy Football this season and compete for millions of dollars at DraftKings and FanDuel!<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m sure Derek Carr will have no problem getting the ball to Roy Helu. Unless of course Carr\u2019s eyeliner gets in his eyes and obscures his vision. And yes, we\u2019re aware the above .gif is from Helu\u2019s time as a Redskin. Just use the power of your imagination and pretend it\u2019s Opposite Day. It\u2019s good to know that Roy \u201cLolo Jones\u201d Helu won\u2019t have any trouble adjusting to Oakland\u2019s track-and-field-baseball-football field.<\/p>\n Long ago, in an idyllic country far away known as Denver, there lived a prince named Demaryius Targaryen (photo credit: NCSooner, reddit.com). He fought talk of Hometown Discounts with dragons born from shells made of money and burned tales of the great Jake Plummer, who lived 176 years before his royal birth.<\/p>\n And sticking to the Game of Thrones theme:<\/p>\n Because some people just refuse to believe that the Eagles are gimmickier than the WWE. So you do you in St. Louis, lil\u2019 Nick. You do you.<\/p>\n Named for Key & Peele\u2019s brilliant Super Bowl Special, this one had to make the list. And just in case you\u2019ve been living under Nick Foles’ fake gold, this skit was inspired by Key & Peele\u2019s classic sketch.<\/p>\n Because this Photoshop really needed to be made. Jeremy Hill is always watching you. Even right now. Quick! Cover your phone or computer camera! He has access to EVERYTHING. He was responsible for the Sony hack, not North Korea.<\/p>\n Not many people know this, but Mary-Kate Olsen and Greg Olsen have been dating for two and a half days now. Here they are visiting Laguna Beach, where Greg is chivalrously wrapping his arm around Mary-Kate like a gentlemen, because she\u2019s cold and his full gear makes his body extra insulated because he just got back from practice and they use genuine NFL game day footballs in Carolina. I\u2019ll say he\u2019s a keeper and a fantasy sleeper, Mary-Kate!<\/p>\n Censored so no one gets on your case.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"11. Helu, Is It Me You\u2019re Looking For?<\/h3>\n
12. Demaryius Targaryen<\/h3>\n
13. Game of Zone Coverage<\/h3>\n
14. Johnny Manziel\u2019s Bench: Splinters Are Coming<\/h3>\n
15. Nick Foles Gold<\/strong><\/h3>\n
16. A.A. Ron Rodgers<\/h3>\n
17. Am I a Dick? Sher, man<\/h3>\n
18. The Jeremy Hill\u2019s Have Eyes<\/h3>\n
19. Mary-Kate & Greg Olsen<\/h3>\n
20. The Washington R*dsk*ns<\/h3>\n